1. |
Arkansas
02:01
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little ballerina in my music box mind twist your fingers into springtime
bend the towers of hours —
on the porch you kill a cigarette wondering who it is that knows you best, the highway crosses her legs
gives you a shy smile,
a curling finger,
and a whisper to take her home
if I watch the black river freeze
and pray for the fish will my eyes turn green? like yours do, field of view
Arkansas, Arkansas love me back
I don’t know you well but I hope to change that as the highway crosses her legs
gives me a shy smile,
a curling finger
and a whisper to take her home
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2. |
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Walking, Talking, Sleeping
patchwork grass, spat on by sun red-curtained aeroplane
black dress shoes sweeping through blurring the world’s vision
walking, walking, walking
fires ablaze all through the hills I confuse silence for wisdom starry-eyed sky, do I look alive? for warmth, we sleep naked
talking, talking, talking
lonely village of oblivion
sing me your sleep hymnal
of snow falling into my mouth forgive me for the fires
sleeping, sleeping, sleeping
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3. |
Hospitality
04:08
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Hospitality
you said “no one knows hospitality quite like a loony bin”
I said “be honest, how long have you been waiting to get that joke in” he wouldn’t look bad in family court,
the doctor handing pills out of the window
darlin’ don’t you think
oh, please god I’m trying
a closed grin, c’mon just give me something
I am trying not to mind that I might not be enough to keep you alive
cigarette advertisements blaring from a cheap radio set
you were stitching up my chin with your mother’s first aid kit spent the summers shovelin’ her sedatives together
probably weighed around 110, you know I hardly ate back then said self-destruction ain’t fun unless you commit to it
I am trying not to mind that I might not be enough to keep you alive
well, I guess it only makes sense that fucked up people make fucked up friends
back when death was some dim star
in the blackest night you could hardly point it out
and the morning always came, washed it away
but now its much more like the sun if you look at it for too long you never know if you will see another day
I am trying not to mind that I might not be enough to keep you alive
I am trying not to mind that I might not be enough to make you want to try
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4. |
In Vitro
02:29
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In Vitro
wallflower in the mirror,
when you dissolve, what do you feel? every time I walk I know I’m stepping on a child buried in the snow
with my face, my blood in her veins
Mother Mary,
I’m afraid I will always feel this way
restless, we anatomize
the pulse of the wild is an absent mind in a glass house with no place to hide, he pinned her to the wall like a butterfly
with my face, my blood in her veins
Mother Mary
I don’t know if I can do this alone
awake through the night
asking myself why I didn’t fucking fight,
a kaleidoscope for when it’s too hard to find
a way out of the mirror and into my own eyes
Mother Mary,
tell me why I have left myself behind
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5. |
Bruised Knees
03:06
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Bruised Knees
the solar system on my brother’s bedroom ceiling
has moons, blue and honest, shooting-star comets
the universe is scary and small
as the flashlight in a memory of escape-artist blueberries
when a midnight snack turned to prison break,
we laughed at the bruises on our knees
microscopes and cell division in the blood of old religion,
hypnotized by cartoons on the television,
sent from a satellite in orbit, Jesus Christ for all we knew,
it doesn’t really make a difference when your mom just got the carpet cleaned,
ticking-time bomb blueberries
you said, “my spacesuit is not a halloween costume”
so I said, “why can’t I wear my girl scout uniform to school”
and what if we pretend we are still kids in the kitchen,
and all the reasons we have grown apart are only blueberries,
can we laugh at bruised knees?
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6. |
Flying Kites
03:13
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Flying Kites
vegetation on the water, I’m the water
I don’t know what I like better, if I like myself yet
co-existence with the habits, garden rabbit
scatter into honest silence, I’m awake in bed
today there is time to change your mind
to feel, to feel alive, look in stranger eyes
the shower is my mother raining
sugar, singing “a spoonful of medicine helps the delusion look delusional”
the hills are beautiful today
so distinct, the colors
I like what we’ve made, it feels a lot like you
today there is time to change your mind
to feel, to feel alive, look in stranger eyes
evergreens in Idaho, David saw the rain
he made me feel so safe and I just wanted to say thank you
in your eyes, I saw the yellow kite I used to love to fly
good luck and goodbye
co-existence with the violence, dandelions
scatter into honest silence,
can I hold your hand?
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7. |
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Wishbone
my father always said, you should quit while you’re ahead
screaming barefoot in the snow at a Nevada motel 6,
where’s the passion in compromise? I should be fucking canonized another 14 hour drive for what? for love? a place to hide?
saw the girls at the pool on the 4th of July
telling me, maybe I should wear a one-piece next time
I scream, I used to like to swim at the gas station attendant
how can you learn from your mistakes if you’re too ashamed to look at them
Wyoming
a trailer park, a constellation
is there any act of hope like keeping one foot out the door?
is there anything as lonesome?
“if I can’t be beautiful, what I create will be”
below a drawing of my naked and distorted body
that was your voice in my head—I know that now, I didn’t then
I was a bottle rocket, firework, a fearless little kid
Oh anonymity
is a mountain, tall and free
Wyoming
a trailer park, a constellation
is there any act of hope like keeping one foot out the door?
is there anything as lonesome?
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8. |
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Lost in Translation/Bone Memory
snow on the evergreen, dust on a memory
——
early in the morning— cat in the apartment, walking on your chest.
I can’t remember the color of their fur, just you touching them
cars on the bridge, raining
autumn in sorrow is the language of your
hand on my hand, clarity
all the time we spent lost in translation
walk to the tavern— strangers looking for a crack in the door.
you’re too hard in yourself, all we have to know is how to get to tomorrow
bird in a nest, snowing
winter in shadow is the language of your
hand on my hand, clarity
all the love we’ve meant lost in translation
——
frozen
in my bones
I would dig into my skin just to feel it all again, just to forget it for good
an excavation of all the people I’ve been with until I’m hollow as wood frozen
in my bones
I’ll get used to a new ghost in the house
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9. |
No Matter What
02:13
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No Matter What
I will be your friend, honey, ’til the very end
No matter what, no matter what
Lost as you may feel, there is nothing quite as real
as the love that you’re made of
No matter what, no matter what
I’ll be here to sing you a lullaby
I’ll be waiting for you at the victory line
I’ll be here for you, I’ll be here for you
You are beautiful even when your belly’s full
When you are wet, when you’re asleep
I believe in you, whatever you choose to do
You will do great, you’ll be okay
No matter what, no matter what
I’ll be here to sing you a lullaby
I’ll be waiting for you at the victory line
I’ll be here for you, I’ll be here for you
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Darci Phenix Portland, Oregon
musician out of portland, or
Darci Phenix recommends:
opens your heart and fills it up
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